Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021: Tame The Overwhelm was a 5-day free online summit which aimed to help twice exceptional (2e) children - gifted children with ADHD, autism, learning differences like dyslexia, anxiety and/or depression. The conference featured 28 educators and psychologists who shared science-informed actionable strategies that promote social, emotional, and academic thriving even in tough times. The summit was hosted by Debbie Steinberg Kuntz, a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as the Founder of Bright & Quirky. Day 1 focused on taming stress, anxiety, and worry.
How I Transformed My Life From Struggling Student to Successful Adult Living My Passion: Talk for Kids & Teens! - Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD
Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, is a humanistic psychologist exploring the depths of human potential. He has taught courses on intelligence, creativity, and well-being at Columbia University, NYU, the University of Pennsylvania, and elsewhere. He hosts The Psychology Podcast, and is author and/or editor of 9 books, including Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization, Wired to Create: Unravelling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind (with Carolyn Gregoire), and Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined.
Debbie observed that a lot of bright and quirky children feel like square pegs in round holes. Having been through a similar experience travelling this road, Dr. Kaufman shared some of his wisdom as an insider with 2e children.
Dr. Kaufman emphasised the importance of becoming one’s own self-advocate. 2e children should not assume that others automatically see the whole of them, because they might not be showing certain sides of themselves that they think adults will not care about. In fact, many activities that 2e children like to do involve lots of different skills that can be of great service to them someday. These skills should be recognised, because they can be combined and transferred into schoolwork or other areas of life. For instance, a 2e child who is good at playing video games can create new game apps in the future, while a 2e child who often gets detention for being the class clown in school can become a funny stand-up comedian in the future. Debbie noted that 2e children are often taught that they should listen to adults and do what they are told. However, most adults want 2e children to work on things that do not come easily to them. In the process, adults often overlook 2e children’s strengths and interests that could potentially help to propel them forward.
As a child, Dr. Kaufman was diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder that made it hard for him to process things quickly in real time. He also had a lot of anxiety, with a constant sense of dread and little hope for the future. Hence, he was categorised as a slow learner with a learning disability, and was placed in special education. When he first got into high school in 9th grade, his special education teacher asked why he was still in special education, and he realised he had no good answer to that question. Hence, he decided to challenge himself to see what he was capable of. He set up a meeting with the school administrators and school psychologist, and told them that he wanted to see if he was capable of doing more at school than remedial classes. He initially faced frustration as the school would not let him take advanced classes, since they felt he would not be able to handle it. Thankfully, some of his teachers looked past his labels, saw his potential, and chose to believe in him. The school eventually allowed him to take more advanced classes, and he managed to transfer himself from the special education class to the gifted class through self-advocacy. His journey in school felt like an active rebellion. He enjoyed surprising the teachers by showing them that he was actually intelligent and could have good attention span. Moreover, scientific studies on creativity show that creative people tend to defy societal expectations.
When Dr. Kaufman first went to college, he was suddenly completely on his own and found many things hard to do independently. He realised that his mother had always done things on his behalf, such as pressing the elevator buttons and labeling his drawers. Parents may be loving and well-meaning, but can become over-protective. He had to self-advocate with both his teachers and parents, telling them that he now wanted to learn and discover some things on his own in college. He adopted the attitude of using his newfound freedom to explore who he really was and figure out how he wanted to self-actualise in life.
When Dr. Kaufman first started studying the science of human intelligence, he worked with IQ researchers who would make fun of some of the lower IQ participants in their sample. It took everything he had not to tell them that he had also been tested with low IQ at age 10 due to his auditory processing disorder. He decided to keep most of his twice exceptionality and early challenges a secret from his colleagues, because he did not want his colleagues to view him any differently than his strengths. This allowed him to be respected by the scientific community despite being a 2e person. He commented that he dislikes how schools usually highlight labels such as special education or gifted education to all the other students, as if that is the only important thing about anyone. The great thing about becoming an adult is that one can reclaim that power of what one chooses to highlight about himself.
Dr. Kaufman used to enjoy cello playing and opera singing. Now, his favourite pastime is being immersed in writing without any distractions. He is fascinated by human psychology, and enjoys communicating scientific ideas to the general public. He manages a blog about the human mind, writes the Beautiful Minds column for the Scientific American magazine, and hosts The Psychology Podcast where he talks to psychologists.
Dr. Kaufman shared some words of advice for 2e children:
Push yourself out of your comfort zone and try exceeding beyond what teachers expect of you. For example, you can try to independently read the chapter ahead in hour Math textbook or English novel, and see what you think of it. You might discover that you love it and are capable of more than what others expect, and you can then show your teachers how awesome you are. Teachers have so many students that they might not know the full extent of what each student is capable of.
Pay attention to what teachers have to say, even if you do not want to. By showing that you are listening to teachers, you might in turn encourage teachers to listen to you, not to mention the fact that you might unexpectedly learn something new.
Do not be shy. Try approaching a teacher that you have a good relationship with. Ask the teacher to be your mentor, and to advocate to the school on your behalf that you have certain strengths. ‘You saw that I enjoyed doing these extra math problems and did them quickly. Could you help me tell the school that maybe I can handle something a little bit harder?’
Strike a balance when seeking accommodations. You should make clear what you need to flourish and be your best. At the same time, you should not have so many accommodations that you do not feel like you are still challenging yourself.
You are allowed to show people your strengths. You know yourself better than anyone else knows you.
You do not have to announce your diagnoses to everyone you meet. You are an entire whole person with strengths and interests in addition to your diagnoses. As you become an adult, you are entitled to the right to lead with your strengths and interests. Depending on the context, not everyone needs to know everything about you.
Find the activity that puts you in a flow state. When you are in a flow state, you are completely absorbed in an activity without experiencing any self-doubt.
Q by 2e child:
I am creative and enjoy imagining fantasy worlds. However, I have trouble writing and struggle to put my ideas in written form on paper.
A by Dr. Kaufman:
Things that seem like a hurdle can actually be a benefit or a gift in a different context. Focus on the ideas you want to express, instead of the disabilities or challenges that you may have, because those can be overcome. Do not give up on exploring different ways to express yourself. For example, you might become a writer in the future by dictating to a tape recorder.
Q by 2e child:
I enjoy and am good at reading and writing. I also like art and have lots of ideas for artwork, videos, and other creations I can make. However, my artistic output never looks like how I thought it would look in my head.
A by Dr. Kaufman:
Nobody is good at everything. Everyone has varied strengths and interests. That is why it is important to look for opportunities to form connections and collaborate with a team. For example, if you have friends who are good at art and graphic design, you can start an art club and they can help you translate your artistic ideas into reality.
In addition, it is commendable that you already know what some of your strengths and interests are at such a young age. One of my favourite creativity researchers, Dr. E. Paul Torrance, conducted a study of elementary school students to see who grew up to be extraordinarily creative as an adult. He found that one of the best predictors of lifelong creativity was the extent to which children fell in love with a dream or an image of the future. You have a whole lifetime to build on these passions and there are many things you can do. For example, you can go to art school and learn how to draw better. Do not feel any pressure.
Q by 2e child:
I have my own YouTube channel. However, it is not a big channel.
A by Dr. Kaufman:
Your YouTube channel might not be big now, but it can be someday. When my podcast first started in 2014, there were only 2 people listening to it – my father and mother. Now, there are millions of people listening to my podcast. Big things start small. Growth usually happens organically, piece by piece over the years. You just need to have the grit to keep at it.
Q by 2e child:
I am autistic and have sensory needs, so I am very interested in gravitational forces. However, it is hard to find someone like me, and I feel lonely talking to other people my age. I have learnt to make friends with myself, because I have no other choice.
A by Dr. Kaufman:
A lot of autistic people have a brilliant mind with the capacity to think about systems. Keep being yourself. You may end up being one of the greatest scientists of our generation. Look up the name Cecilia Payne; hopefully she might be of great inspiration for you. She was one of the most influential yet overlooked astronomers in the history of science. It is good to look for fellow role models.
I resonate a lot with what you are saying and how you are feeling in terms of being lonely. I not only felt that as a 2e child, but also still feel that as an adult. Most of the people I talk to in the real world during the course of my day bore me, and I feel awkward not knowing how to carry on a conversation with them. Twice exceptionality is not something that you can outgrow or that can disappear on its own. However, you can learn to love yourself and accept your quirkiness. Like what Dr. Temple Grandin said, the key is to find a friend with a shared interest. Sometimes, that friend can even be yourself.
All blogposts on Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021:
Day 1 Talk 4 A Quick, Shareable Overview of Twice Exceptional (2e) Kids - Dan Peters, PhD
Day 2 Talk 8 Understanding High IQ Kids With ADHD and Co-Occurring Diagnoses - Thomas E. Brown, PhD
Day 3 Talk 13 How to Know When It's Time to Change Schools or Homeschool - Colleen Kessler, MEd
Day 4 Talk 17 How to Help Bright Kids Avoid Autistic Burnout - Kieran Rose
Day 4 Talk 19 How Different Kinds of Minds Can Become Inventors and Engineers - Temple Grandin, PhD
Watch this space for more blogposts from the Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021!