Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021: Tame The Overwhelm was a 5-day free online summit which aimed to help twice exceptional (2e) children - gifted children with ADHD, autism, learning differences like dyslexia, anxiety and/or depression. The conference featured 28 educators and psychologists who shared science-informed actionable strategies that promote social, emotional, and academic thriving even in tough times. The summit was hosted by Debbie Steinberg Kuntz, a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as the Founder of Bright & Quirky. Day 2 focused on motivating kids and balancing tech.
Online Gaming: How to Have Fun Online, Make Friends, and Not Get Addicted: Talk for Kids! - Raffael Boccamazzo, PsyD
Raffael Boccamazzo (Doctor B) is a doctor of clinical psychology and the clinical director of Take This, the first mental health nonprofit dedicated to serving the game industry and game community. He oversees the majority of Take This’ educational and public-facing programs. Outside of his work with Take This, Doctor B is an expert on the applied use of tabletop role playing games in clinical and learning settings, and is the co-creator of a pantheoretical model on their applied use. He is also one of the co-authors of the book Video Games and Well-being: Press Start and Gardens of Fog – a best-selling, mental health-themed adventure module for Dungeons & Dragons.
Dr. Boccamazzo was diagnosed with autism at 35 years old. Growing up, he had a hard time getting his peers socially. Games were one of the few things he liked and understood. Multiplayer video games were a refuge where he could go to feel competent, powerful, important, and win in a way that he usually could not with his peers. He also played role playing games, such as Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game by West End Games as well as Dungeons and Dragons. These role playing games served as a sort of fantasy wish fulfillment, as they allowed him to be who he wanted to be. Even if he made mistakes socially in the role playing games, it was a safe environment and did not have real world consequences. Over the years, he became better at playing funny, charming, and smooth talking characters. In his early 20s, he realised that although he played characters that were sociable in a way that he did not think he was, the social skills came from him. Hence, he took some of the social scripts and behaviours that he had learnt, practised, and memorised in the games, and started applying them in real life. He mimicked things and tried out different strategies for how to be in the world till he started getting consistent positive reactions from peers. After he completed his doctorate, he started teaching people how to use games to learn skills, the same way he had done.
Debbie observed that there are 2 camps when it comes to neurodiversity and social skills. One camp says that everyone should be social in their own way, and that neurodivergent individuals are masking their authentic selves if they try to be social in a neurotypical way. The other camp says that since our society’s dominant culture is that of neurotypical individuals, neurodivergent individuals have to learn skills in order to socialise with and be desirable interaction partners for neurotypical individuals.
Dr. Boccamazzo expressed his preference for neurodivergent individuals to be allowed to be their authentic selves. However, he also recognised that both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals have a responsibility to figure out a way for them to interact successfully. Neurodivergent individuals can try their best to take neurotypical individuals’ needs into consideration and communicate in a way that neurotypical individuals can understand. Neurotypical individuals can also try to meet neurodivergent individuals where they are at with the abilities that they have. It is unfair for neurodivergent individuals to be expected to do things they are not good at, such as responding well in new and unfamiliar situations that they have not learnt social scripts for. For example, his neurotypical friends understand where his skill sets are at and know that he tries his best to be polite. They are forgiving if he says things that are too blunt, honest or honest, as well as give him feedback and suggestions on how he can phrase things in alternative ways.
He gave the metaphor of how, as an autistic minority surrounded by the neurotypical majority, he often feels like an Xbox in a PlayStation World. They are different operating systems, and while neither is inherently good or bad, there is a need to figure out a compatible way for the two to interface. Similarly, French and English are different languages, and there is nothing wrong with speaking either language. As an English speaker, he will do his best to speak whatever French he knows while visiting France so that they can understand him. Nonetheless, it is unfair for him to be expected to speak fluent French. Other people who speak French can be accepting and help him to navigate by acting as his translators.
Some 2e children not only enjoy gaming, but also use games as way to connect with others as they have trouble finding friends outside of school. Dr. Boccamazzo suggested making friends through cooperative video games such as Minecraft, Roblox, and Among Us, as well as the multiplayer cartoony battle game Worms. Nevertheless, he recommended children to find balance by having a range of different interests that they enjoy other than playing games. Firstly, this ensures that they still have other hobbies to fall back on if they are unable to engage in a certain hobby in certain situations. For example, parents might not permit screen time, or the power may go out, such that playing games might not be possible. Secondly, different hobbies can bring about different benefits. Hobbies that involve movement, such as running, serves as rigorous exercise which can help one think more clearly and have better sleep. Hobbies that involve creativity, such as building sculptures, allows one to develop skills in one area that are transferable to other areas. Hobbies that involve shared activities, such as acting in a theatre club, can be a platform for making new friends.
Dr. Boccamazzo explained that game addiction is a complicated topic, because the way clinicians and researchers use the word ‘addiction’ is very different from the way most people use it. Technically, there is a lack of evidence to support the idea that games themselves are addictive like a drug. However, there are different reasons why people may become too immersed and spend too much time playing games, especially since games are designed to be immersive and also especially during the pandemic when people are sheltering in place. People with anxiety may use video games as an escape outlet and coping mechanism. People with depression may use video games as a way to feel good and powerful. People with autism may be hyperfocused when playing games and find it hard to quit.
Dr. Boccamazzo cautioned that although we can do the leisure activities we like in our spare time, we have to watch out for some warning signs. One red flag is if we like a game so much that we have a compulsion to keep going and have a hard time stopping. It is important for us to know which games can get us hooked for hours, becoming so engrossed that we lose track of time and ignore everything else. For example, Dr. Boccamazzo often hyperfocuses on massively multiplayer online role playing games that go on for a long duration, such as Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, and World of Warcraft. Moreover, due to the executive functioning challenges encountered by people with autism or ADHD, it is difficult for him to multitask or switch quickly between tasks. If he plays these games during short breaks, he finds it difficult to stop playing, and it affects his ability to transition to and focus on school work. Hence, during short breaks, he usually restricts himself to playing games that he can pick up and put down quickly and easily, such as Pokémon. He only allows himself to play engrossing games when he has a lot of spare time, such as during school vacation. Another red flag is if we play games outside of our spare time, which eats into our work time and interferes with the tasks we need to get done. Examples include playing games when we should be doing school work, household chores, or self-care such as eating, showering, and sleeping.
Dr. Boccamazzo also suggested avoiding games that we do not find fun or that involve situations which make us mad. For example, he knows that because he is competitive, he likes games where he is on an equal playing field with other players and can play to the best of his abilities, but dislikes games where he is consistently outmatched by other players and has no chance of winning. As a child, he did not have a lot of money, and thus got frustrated playing Magic: The Gathering against other adult players who held jobs and could buy expensive cards. Likewise, as an adult holding a job with limited time to play games, he avoids games in which he has to compete against other players who may be able to spend all of their time gaming.
Debbie emphasised the importance of building self-awareness about what games one likes or dislikes, so one can find games that match one’s preferences and make informed decisions. As everybody is different, we can try being a self-scientist running experiments. For instance, we can experiment with playing a game for only 5 minutes as a short break or reward between work, seeing whether we are able to exercise self-control and how it affects our mood or productivity. Dr. Boccamazzo agreed that he learnt about what did or did not work for him through experience as well as trial and error.
Dr. Boccamazzo suggested enforcing technology curfews. For example, he knows that playing video games makes him so amped up that he finds it hard to stop ruminating and fall asleep quickly. Hence, he stops playing video games 3 hours before his bedtime. He also gives himself transition time to do mellow activities such as reading. This transition time helps him decompress and wind down in order to get ready to sleep.
Sometimes, parents immediately turn off or unplug gaming devices once the gaming time is up, not realising that doing so can be inconvenient for the child. Dr. Boccamazzo advised parents to try out the different games that their child plays, in order to understand the dynamics of each game and the implications of suddenly ending a game. For example, if the child is finding diamonds in Minecraft, suddenly quitting the game is disappointing but does not have further implications. On the other hand, if the child is playing Overwatch competitively with a team, suddenly pulling the plug is akin to yanking the child out of football practice, as it causes the child to be viewed as an undependable player by other team players. Parents and the child should also have collaborative conversations to figure out how to regulate gaming time and ease into ending a game. For instance, parents can give a 15-minute warning before the end of gaming time, which allows the child to estimate what can be reasonably started and completed within the time limit. 15 minutes before the end of gaming time for Mario Kart, it is feasible to start and complete 1 race course, but it is probably not a good time to try starting and completing 5 race courses. Regardless, the child has to adhere to the limits that the parents and child have agreed on.
Dr. Boccamazzo shared some tips on how to stay on track completing the tasks we need to do. One way is to find tools to gamify tasks, such as using the productivity app Habitica which allows users to monitor to-do lists in the form of a role-playing game. For instance, each time a user finishes his tasks, his character levels up, and his guild gets to slay a monster together. Ultimately, the user changes his habits and may no longer need to rely on the app. Another way is to create personalised timetables using a calendar. Such time blocking strategies can be especially useful for people who need routines. Furthermore, people with autism or ADHD tend to have challenges regulating and monitoring themselves. Thus, it can be helpful to have an accountability buddy to work together and monitor each other, calling each other out when they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing. Compared to discipline or punishment, such collaboration between a parent and child can be more effective, helping the child to develop the skills and responsibility to be autonomous.
All blogposts on Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021:
Day 1 Talk 4 A Quick, Shareable Overview of Twice Exceptional (2e) Kids - Dan Peters, PhD
Day 2 Talk 8 Understanding High IQ Kids With ADHD and Co-Occurring Diagnoses - Thomas E. Brown, PhD
Day 3 Talk 13 How to Know When It's Time to Change Schools or Homeschool - Colleen Kessler, MEd
Day 4 Talk 17 How to Help Bright Kids Avoid Autistic Burnout - Kieran Rose
Day 4 Talk 19 How Different Kinds of Minds Can Become Inventors and Engineers - Temple Grandin, PhD
Watch this space for more blogposts from the Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021!
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