Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021: Tame The Overwhelm was a 5-day free online summit which aimed to help twice exceptional (2e) children - gifted children with ADHD, autism, learning differences like dyslexia, anxiety and/or depression. The conference featured 28 educators and psychologists who shared science-informed actionable strategies that promote social, emotional, and academic thriving even in tough times. The summit was hosted by Debbie Steinberg Kuntz, a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as the Founder of Bright & Quirky. Day 4 focused on neurodiversity and autism.
Helping Your Autistic Child Find Their Authentic Self - Kristy Forbes, Autistic, ADHD, PDA. BA Political Science, Grad Dip Education
Kristy Forbes, GradDipEd is an autism and neurodiversity support specialist who is passionate about radical acceptance of autism and social change. She is an autistic, ADHD and PDA mother of four autistic children, married to an autistic man and consults with families, professionals and organizations both nationally and internationally to support them in understanding and supporting neurodivergent people. Kristy is also passionate about supporting educators to provide enriching learning and living environments from her lived experience and background as an educator (P-12) and a childhood behavioral and family specialist.
Autism awareness is not the same as autism acceptance. Autism awareness is a starting point where we come to know what autism might be. Autism is an elusive thing to pin down because it exists on a spectrum and every single person who identifies as autistic is completely different. Each autistic individual has unique behaviour, sensory processing, passions, and goals. However, people who are aware about autism may still seek to fix and change autistic individuals as they are not truly accepting of them. A lot of therapies for autistic children are geared toward making them comply with neuronormative standards. It is unhealthy for parents to turn on their children and on themselves, cultivating negative emotions and an energy of self-loathing which children can sense. In contrast, radical acceptance involves really understanding and celebrating autism. Supportive therapies embrace autistic individuals the way that they are, and figure out what support the person and family need across the lifespan. It is important to see an autistic individual as a unique individual just like we would with any human being, putting the autism diagnosis aside and meeting the needs of each uniquely wired child.
When someone is labelled autistic, we often interpret everything about them through this biased lens. This is also known as othering. For example, when a neurotypical child takes a little longer to reach particular milestones, we say they will get there in their own time. Yet, when an autistic child shows similar behaviour, we interpret it as red flags of developmental delays and there is a panic-driven attempt to provide corrective therapy for the child to reach this milestone. This is counterproductive because autistic individuals have their own timeline of development and should not be compared to neurotypical individuals or made to align with their standards.
People often have unrealistic expectations of and place pressure on neurodivergent children who have asynchronous development. For example, gifted school programmes focus on bright and quirky children’s academic giftedness while neglecting their other challenges such as extreme anxiety. While they do have the potential to excel, they also need a break and some space. This dismissal of their whole person can be damaging and traumatising, harming their sense of self and self-worth. Moreover, honing in exclusively on their strengths can cause burnout to the extent that they may avoid school. Instead, we should recognise their strengths but also support their areas of challenges.
Many parents beat themselves up thinking they should have, could have, or would have done things differently if only they had known earlier what they know now. Parents need to show compassion, empathy, and forgiveness to themselves. Parents do their best with what they have and what they know at the time, believing that what they are doing is the best thing for their child. Parents should acknowledge that they just cannot know until they know, and they can direct their focus to making amends by doing differently now.
The neurodiversity movement is a complete paradigm shift, viewing neurodivergence as a positive identity and culture rather than a medical disorder. All human beings have different brain wiring but are equally valid in our way of thinking, doing, and being. It is particularly important to cultivate positive autistic identity within the family. Kristy shared that when her neurodivergent children start new schools or grades, she explicitly writes in orientation forms to teachers, ‘We are an autistic family. Autism is our identity and culture, and we celebrate it. We do not see autism as a medical disorder. If you have any questions about that, please let us know.’
Neurodivergent family life looks different from neurotypical family life because autistic individuals live and communicate in different ways. Neurodivergent family members are engaged in an evolving process of developing self-awareness and understanding their support needs, working out what works at what time and figuring out something new when that changes. This allows the home to feel safe and diplomatic. For example, some family members may want to wear headphones or leave the room when another member is having a meltdown, or some family members may need to co-regulate with another member to calm down.
In some cases, there are neurotypical parents raising autistic children. It is almost like there are two different cultures in one home and they need to learn to speak each other's language, also known as cultural mismatching. Kristy advises such neurotypical parents to immerse their autistic children in the autistic community, helping them find autistic mentors and peers. Professionals often focus on teaching autistic children how to so-called socialise properly with neurotypical peers. However, it is not true that the neurotypical way of socialising and communicating is the only right way while the neurodivergent way is wrong. Autistic individuals are able to connect well with other autistic peers and communicate with flow. They struggle to communicate with neurotypical individuals only because they are anxious and anticipate being misunderstood and judged.
The diagnostic criteria for autism is based on a male child in distress and lacks a holistic representation. It pathologises autism and damages autistic people’s sense of self by making comparisons between the so-called typical and disordered. For example, nonspeaking autistics are viewed as being noncommunicative, when communication can actually take place in diverse ways. Kristy wishes that society can develop more understanding of autism and do away with the medical diagnostic criteria, similar to how society has learnt to embrace the individuals who identify as LGBTQ+.
All blogposts on Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021:
Day 1 Talk 4 A Quick, Shareable Overview of Twice Exceptional (2e) Kids - Dan Peters, PhD
Day 2 Talk 8 Understanding High IQ Kids With ADHD and Co-Occurring Diagnoses - Thomas E. Brown, PhD
Day 3 Talk 13 How to Know When It's Time to Change Schools or Homeschool - Colleen Kessler, MEd
Day 4 Talk 17 How to Help Bright Kids Avoid Autistic Burnout - Kieran Rose
Day 4 Talk 19 How Different Kinds of Minds Can Become Inventors and Engineers - Temple Grandin, PhD
Watch this space for more blogposts from the Bright & Quirky Child Summit 2021!